I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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