First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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