at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
