a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
