why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
