All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
