OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You may now shotgun with the bride
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
