Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
