If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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