Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
