Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
