I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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