the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
