Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
