No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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