I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
