So drunk its hurt
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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