I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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