I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
