your thong is hanging out like whoa
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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