i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
