handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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