Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
