I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i already hear my dad disowning me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
