I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
