As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
