I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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