how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
