Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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