clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
