I think my vagina is haunted
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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