I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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