I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
