hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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