This girl is more easily done than said...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
