She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
