So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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