So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
