So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I can't put those talents on a resume
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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