My room smells like vodka and shame
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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