um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
