guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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