I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
