and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
