I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
