im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
