How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
