shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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