Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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