Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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