Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
