Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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