I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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