32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
