He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
