I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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