Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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