It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Boobs are out for the taking
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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