I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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