We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
