She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
