I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
