well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
