i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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