her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
