Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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