I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
