bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
