Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
