I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
