I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
