From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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