best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
