Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
