She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize