sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
