I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
