I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
