My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
